


36 Questions

by NelleScott



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 36 Questions AU, 36 questions, Alternate Universe, Angst, James Cook - Freeform, Love, M/M, Marriage, Trying again
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-31
Updated: 2019-08-30
Packaged: 2019-10-20 00:54:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17612351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NelleScott/pseuds/NelleScott
Summary: Based off the amazing Podcast Musical 36 QuestionsDan and Phil attempt to rebuild their relationship, which has been founded on lies.You can probably read without listening to the Podcast but it is well worth a listen either way.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [36 Questions](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/453689) by Two Up Productions. 



> Hey! So I've kind of written this in a script format, sorry if that's a pain to read, but it was the easiest way to put it to paper. 
> 
> Any words in italics are stage directions. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

_RECORDING STARTED_

Dan: Hey, so today is Thursday, July 28th 2011, my name's Daniel Howell and I’m now driving up north in a rain storm to try and get my husband back after I lied to him. I’ve been lying to him since the moment I met him, and I wish I hadn’t, but I didn’t know how not to.

_He didn’t know why he did this, but this just became habit, putting things on the record so that future Dan could look back and reflect. But he had to stay in the present now, especial in this storm._

Dan: So, the times 6:29 pm It’s been so long since I’ve been up north, at least without Phil. I forgot how hilly Lancashire was, but worth it to get Phil to talk to me.

_RECORDING ENDED_

***

_RECORDING STARTED_

Dan: Okay so I’ve arrived a Phil’s childhood home, it’s still raining so when I knock on the door and ask for one chance I’m going to cringe so badly at how cliché it looks. Okay here goes nothing. For the record I’m walking up to the door and now I’m knock as you can hear.

_Dan knocked continuously making sure that Phil could hear it from every inch of the house. He paused attempting to listen for movement. When his ears registered what they were hearing he started yelling._

Dan: Sonic! Seriously Phil! In case you can’t hear it on the recording it’s the Sonic the Hedgehog theme music. So rather than letting his loving, all be it lying husband, in so he doesn’t catch his death from the rain, he’d rather play a video game he’s completed a hundred times.

_The door swung open and standing there was Philip Lester, his beautiful husband._

Phil: I’m only letting you in, so I don’t have you dead body lying on my front step.

Dan: Whatever gets me inside.

_Dan shuffled into the house he heard so much about but never visited, following Phil into the front room._

Dan: Great! I’m now inside, thank god, I’m already starting to feel warmer and I’ve just followed Phil into the front room it’s a lounge come dinning area cute but a little -

Phil: Omg you’re recording this. Of course you are! I don’t know why I expected anything more from you James, sorry I miss spoke, Daniel. Why are you hear, I thought I made myself clear, it’s over.

Dan: I know, I know but I can explain, and I’ll answer all your questions I just need you to do one thing for me, it’s in this envelope and I know I don’t deserve it but please, just this one thing.

Phil: I don’t see why I should.

Dan: I know but please, just open the envelope and I’ll explain.

Phil: Fine.

Dan: For the record, Phil’s just snatched the envelope and is opening it with a confused and disgruntled expression.

Phil: What’s this?

Dan: Okay substitute disgruntled for exacerbated, Phil has opened the envelope to find three things, the first being the ring he left on our kitchen table before he left, the second is a packet of matches and the last –

Phil: The 36 questions, you’ve got to be joking! The thing that we did on our first date, the foundation we built our relationship off, the thing where you first lied and continued to do for two years! Our entire relationship! What, are you trying to make me feel sentimental and just come running back to you, is that it?

Dan: No, Phil you don’t get it. I want to start again, do it again, this time as estranged persons rather than strangers. You deserve to get to know the person you’re trying to forget, and I know you probably shouldn’t trust me but I want to do this, to show you who I was before I met you, even though I barely remember who that person was. Then after all of this, then you can forget about me or… or give me another chance.

_Phil doesn’t look at Dan, he’s looking down the list of questions._

Phil: You’ll leave me alone, you'll let me move on if I answer these questions again?

Dan: If that’s what you want, yeah.

Phil: Then what are the matches for?

Dan: Oh, well they are going to start us off. You’re going to burn all my documents; all the ones that call me James Cook. It’ll be symbolic, like what the Vikings did.

Phil: I’ve heard they didn’t actually do that

Dan: You know what I mean, it’s to show it is now a memory. It’s so you can say goodbye to him and hello to me.

Phil: I don’t know why I have to be a part of this ceremony, you made him up.

Dan: It was a bit more collaborative than that. But I’ll miss him just as much as you. I didn’t like that person I was before him and the only reason I liked who I became was because of you. So, I want your help to say goodbye.

Phil: Fine hand me the matches and bring the documents over to the fireplace, I’m not smoking out my house for your stupid ritual.

_Dan gave one last look at the documents that had been his life for the last two years. He cast them into the fireplace. Phil struck the match and dropped it on top._

_They sat there, both refusing to look away from the burning documents._

Dan: Thank you. 

Phil: Whatever, lets get this over with.

Dan: Okay, but first can I get out of these clothes, they are starting to feel like a second skin.

Phil: … the first door on your right when you go up the stairs. 

Dan: Thank you. 

Phil: Aren’t you going to take this with you?

Dan: No, you can talk to it if you like. 

Phil: What just so you can listen back later an hear what I say, fat chance.

Dan: Fine! Then just stop it, it needs charging anyway.

_RECORDING ENDED_


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And so the 36 questions begin. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

_RECORDING STARTED_

Dan: Okay so, to update you since the last recording I’ve got changed and I am now wearing Phil’s green York University hoodie, because it is my favourite. Oh, don’t roll your eyes Phil, you know it is, it’s why you took it with you rather than leaving it behind.

Phil: Can we just get this over with. I have video games to get back to.

Dan: Okay right, for the sake of the recording this is “ _The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness_ ” otherwise known as the 36 questions that lead to love. We did it on our first date when we were strangers, when I created James Cook. Now we are going to do it again and I’m going to introduce you to Daniel Howell.

Phil: You are the only one who is going to listen to this, you don’t need to update yourself. This is your idea after all

Dan: Right then Philip, **_Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?_**

Phil: … Sarah Michelle Geller.

Dan: You’re lying, it’s written all over you face.

Phil: Takes one to know one, but I’m not lying that was my original answer.

Dan: I’m not saying you wouldn’t want to have dinner with her, I’m just saying there’s someone you want to have it with more. Someone you think you know nothing about.

Phil: I don’t know anything about them.

Dan: See! I was right! Just say it Phil. It’s not hard to say.

Phil: If you know then why do I have to say?

Dan: Just say it will you!

Phil: FINE! It’s you! Daniel James Howell!

Dan: No was that so hard. Now it’s your turn.

Phil: **Whom would you want as a dinner guest?** Ha, it’s a funny word isn’t? ‘Whom’ it doesn’t sound right coming from my mouth.

_Dan started to laugh_

Dan: You said the exact same thing last time and for that reason I would obviously choose you.

Phil: Thank you.

_He smiled but seems to catch himself before it becomes the ray of sunshine Dan had grown used to seeing._

Phil: Right, question two, **_would you like to be famous? In what way?_**

Dan: No

Phil: Why?

Dan: That’s not in the question Phil.

Phil: You’ve got to be kidding. Extrapolate

Dan: That’s extra credit.

Phil: Fine. Your turn.

Dan: **_Would you like to be famous? In what way?_**

Phil: Yes, for making people smile.

Dan: You always make me smile. Anyway, **_before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?_**

Phil: You know I do, I hate making phone calls.

Dan: Yeah, I know, I’ve phoned on your behalf on numerous occasions. Phone anxiety is completely normal.

Phil: What about you?

Dan: No, you know I never think before I speak.

Phil: You’re answering the same way you did last time. I thought you wanted to show me the real you, Daniel.

Dan: This is the real me, I didn’t lie about everything, my personality is the same. Just ask me the next question.

Phil: **_What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?_**

Dan: What do you think it would be?

_Phil looked down at his hands_

Phil: I don’t know.

Dan: You don’t know what I like.

Phil: I used to.

Dan: Phil don’t you get it, I’m still me, James and Dan are the same person, the only difference is the back story. I changed my story because I wanted to forget it. What James liked, Dan likes too. Can you remember my first answer?

Phil: Of course, I do. You don’t forget an answer like “Tomorrow could be the perfect day is we let it be,”

_He actually smiled then and it lit up the room._

Phil: Do you remember my answer?

Dan: The key parts of it, picnic on the beach on the Isle of Man with your family. A hamper filled with exciting favours of popcorn and everyone getting together in the evening under a big blanket and watching Buffy.

Phil: Still true, although I might add corgis, because they make everything better.

Dan: Very true and I’d still like to spend that day with you. Okay question 5, **_When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?_**

Phil: This afternoon I went on the walk to reminisce and there were these pigeons, so I fed them some of my sandwich and started singing ‘Feed the Birds’ to them. 

Dan: Ha how appropriate and to yourself?

Phil: 10 seconds after I started singing the birds flew away and I didn’t notice. You?

Dan: Aww Phil you’re precious, just for the recording I want to note that Phil is now blushing. Ermm... mine would be on the way up in the car.

Phil: Omg, you’re joking what did you sing?

Dan: Bliss you know “Everything about you is so easy to love, they’re watching you from above.”

Phil: Of course, I know it’s Muse. 

Dan: True, I guess that counts as me singing to someone else. Your turn with question 6.

Phil: Cool, **_if you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?_**

Dan: I remember you said mind

Phil: Oh yeah and you said body.

Dan: We’ll make a very good half sexy team ha. Oh god I forgot how morbid some of these were, _**do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?**_

Phil: If I didn’t know better I’d think you had written it, you know I fear death.

Dan: Well you would, you trip over your own feet and if I remember correctly that was your answer, tripping over your own feet and falling down the stairs.

Phil: It was, and I still believe it’s going to happen. I panic every time I go down stairs. I also remember that you said you didn’t fear death which perplexed me and still does.

Dan: I still don’t, I just fear dying alone. Now Philip, question 8.

Phil: You know I hate it when you can me Philip. Anyway, **_name three things you and your partner appear to have in common._**

Dan: Easy, we both love video games, we both don’t get up before 12pm unless we have to and we both love anime especially when watching it together over a late breakfast.

Phil: Does Daniel like those things or did James just say he did to get me to like him.

Dan: Phil, I’ve said this before me and James are the same person. My likes and dislikes are the same as his, I’m still James. It’s my middle name after all. So, knowing that **_name three things you and your partner appear to have in common._**

Phil: I suppose we are both too tall for this world, awkward as hell with anyone but each other and we both are awful at DIY.

Dan: Are you thinking of all the flat pack furniture we got when we moved into our flat.

Phil: Yes! That wardrobe took too long to make.

Dan: Well at least you weren’t jump scared by your boyfriend jumping out of that wardrobe.

_Phil burst out laughing, remembering quietly hiding in the wardrobe waiting for the best moment to jump out. Maybe he did know this man, its just his name that’s changed. Dan who was previously glaring at Phil joined in too, how he had missed that laugh._

_Suddenly, everything went dark._

Dan: ARGH! PHIL! THE LIGHTS HAVE GO OFF!

Phil: I noticed. The power’s probably gone out because of the storm. Come on, I’ve got an idea.

_RECORDING ENDED_


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been a while guys, I've been occupied with University work. I hope you like this chapter. 
> 
> Warning!
> 
> This chapter mentions possible drug use, depression and near death/suicide

_RECORDING STARTED_

Dan: Hey Future Dan! So, it’s 8:12pm on Thursday, July 28th, 2011 and you’re probably wanting to know what Phil’s great idea was, well, it was to go on a drive. IN A STORM!

Phil: It’s not much of a storm anymore it's just raining now.

Dan: With reduced visibility and your driving skills we are going to be dead by the end of the night.

Phil: Hey! You wanted somewhere with power, so you could charge the crappy battery in your phone and light because someone is affair of the dark.

Dan: You know full well Philip it is not the dark that scares me but what is lurching in it.

Phil: Whatever, can we just get back to reading the questions, I want this over with.

Dan: I’ll read them all while you’re driving because that’s the safe thing to do.

Phil: Thank you, now question 9 what is it?

Dan: **_For what in your life do you feel most grateful?_**

Phil: That I can answer easily, one blessing for having your life blow up in your face you remember the things that are still there for you. In my case it’s my family. You?

Dan: I suppose... second chances. Oh god that sounds so cheesy.

Phil: It would only be cheesy if it wasn’t honest, was it honest?

Dan: Of course, I’m so grateful you’ve given me this chance to explain. Thank you, Phil.

Phil: I was always a push over, now question 10, go.

Dan: Okay so 10’s **_If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?_**

_There’s a long awkward pause._

Phil: I think this is what they call a pregnant pause.

Dan: Hey! I’m not pregnant, it’s just hard. Would it be acceptable if I said everything?

Phil: No. Too vague, last time you said you wished your parents were alive.

_Phil takes glance to his left to see Dan’s face contort to a look of guilt._

Phil: ( _whispers_ ) Oh my god, your parents aren’t even dead are they.

_Dan shakes his head_

Phil: Jesus Dan, I can’t believe you’d lie about something like, making up that they died in a car accident. Who comes up with that?

Dan: Okay in my defence, and I know I don’t have much of one so don’t glare at me like that Phil, but they did get into a car accident I just lied about the outcome.

Phil: That doesn’t make it much better. Why would you tell me something like that?

Dan: Because I didn’t want you to meet my parents. I didn’t want to talk about them in any capacity and the easiest way to do that is to treat them as if they were dead.

Phil: Why? What’s so awful about them?

Dan: … When I was younger about 8 I think, I broke my dad’s frame that contained his graduation certificate. It fell off the shelf when I slammed the door to his study. So, I ran to my mother crying and told her everything and she calmed me down and told me what we were going to do. She said what we were going to tell my dad was, “We didn’t even know the frame was there, we are so sorry it was broken but we weren’t even home, it must have just fallen off the shelf.”

‘And it was our word against his.’ She said.

So, that was the pattern of my life, I lied to keep them happy when it came to my grades and my hobbies. We kept each other’s secrets no matter how awful. But when I got older I made some dumb decisions, next thing I know there’s a police officer at the door and he’s asking about my cousin, a house we rented, our boat and before I could even register their questions my parents had denied everything. Saying “We haven’t seen Oliver since last Christmas, we didn’t even rent a house in the lakes this year let alone use our boat, the weathers not been good enough.” Our word against their's. Obviously, they paid someone to make it go away and we never suffered the consequences, someone must have but it was never our family, so my parents didn’t care. The problem had gone away.

So, I left and when I was about 24 I lived in Manchester, you were already in London by then, I got into some stupid habits that didn’t help me depression, so I was home alone one evening and I just couldn’t get my mind right, so I ran myself a bath. But I was so mentally and physically tired I couldn’t keep my head above the water, so I just sank into it and looked up at the surface. 

Phil: Dan...

Dan: I just kept thinking about what my parents would have said, “No, it can’t be Daniel he lives in London, he’s so busy we rarely see him. You must be thinking of the boy we took under our wing, we treated him like a son, but they have to go home someday.” It would be just their word against nothing else and I would be forgotten.

_Silence fills the car again. The only thing break it is the sound of the windscreen wipers and Dan sniffing._  

Phil: ( _softly_ ) You- you died?

Dan: I was legally dead for 3 minutes; FYI death is just an endless void of nothingness.

_Dan lets out a hollow laugh. Phil pulls the car over to the side of the road and turns of the engine. He reached and took Dan’s hands and looked directly at him._

Phil: I’m so sorry, I’m sorry you had to go through that, but you could have told me that. I would have been there for you, you know that. You truly deserved a better childhood because that’s not the way to grow up, but you didn’t have to lie about it for so long.

Dan: I know I shouldn’t have lied, and I truly regret it, but I don’t think I would have survived if I didn’t become James. Daniel has so much emotional baggage that I just wanted to forget. When I met you that day I didn’t think I was going to fall in love with you the way that I did. I didn’t know this lie would get so out of hand, but the only thing I regret about doing it is hurting you. Anyway, can we change the subject, it’s your turn to answer.

_Phil breathes a sigh of defeat._

Phil: I suppose I wish my parents hadn’t raised me to be so trusting.

Dan: It’s not a bad thing to be trusting Phil.

Phil: I suppose not, right we should get back on the road.

Dan: No wait! It's stopped raining now, let’s walk to the top of that hill I want to see the view.

Phil: Dan, the ground is all muddy, I don’t think that’s wise.

Dan: You know me Phil, when have I ever been known to make the wise decision.

_With that Dan got out the car and begrudgingly Phil went with him._

_RECORDING ENDED_


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Phandom is very different from the last time I posted. This was written long before that so I hope it still remains respectful. To a bright and colourful future.

_RECORDING STARTED_

_The wind whistles loudly throughout_

Dan: ( _Yelling to be heard over the wind_ ) Hey Dan! So, Phil and I are now at the top of the hill looking down at the amazing view. It’s a shame I’ve never been here before, especially in better weather, I think this would be one of my favourite places in the world.

Phil: (Also yelling) I know it’s beautiful, but can we get back to the car I’m freezing.

Dan: Please just a bit longer. Here come under my coat.

_Phil looks hesitant but the cold get the better of him. The wind now blocked out by the coat, the pair can now return to a normal speaking volume._

Dan: Better?

Phil: Better.

Dan: Okay, _take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible._ Can you stand to be out here for 8 more minutes?

Phil: Does it have to be 8? You already my story.

Dan: I wouldn’t mind hearing it again.

Phil: Fine, I grew here in Rawtenstall, with my mum and dad and my older brother Martyn, went to York University to study English Language and then Post-Production. Came out as Bi in uni, but thinking about I don’t really like the idea of labeling myself so I don’t think I’ve used it since. I had a few short-lived relationships at York but the only one of note was Susan Lewis. Am I going too fast?

Dan: I’m not timing you.

Phil: Well then, after university I moved to Manchester then to London and I work as a Video Editor. Moved in with my brother and his girlfriend for a bit a couple of months before I found my own place. A year later I met you and we got married way too quickly, which everyone in my life seemed to comment on. So, we had two years of marriage and it was amazing but now we are here sheltering under your coat, on a hill Lancashire. So, I guess that’s it.

Dan: How do you feel about that?

Phil: That’s not the question.

Dan: Someone’s learning.

Phil: Your turn Daniel James Howell, I want your full life story. Was that story you told me about the panic alarm real?

Dan: Oh yeah, that was all me.

Phil: So, you were born in Wokingham?

Dan: Yeah, I grew up there, my parents were- are- I don’t know how to describe them. I got out of Wokingham as soon as I could to Manchester, can’t believe I missed you. I did odd jobs really, never settled down with something. My parents' plan was for me to become a lawyer, but I hated that plan, so I worked as a writer, a shop assistant- hence the panic alarm story- even a nanny, but I don’t think I was that good at that. I moved to London on a whim after I died, I don’t know what drew me there or how I got the funds, but I did and I’m so glad because it was where I met you. In that park, on one of those rare days be both went outside, where you were sat on a bench with a dog and I couldn’t resist a beautiful dog with a very handsome owner. So, I walked over and asked if I could pet her and you adorably said yes. Next thing I know you’re blurting out the fact it’s not actually your dog and starts rambling about the fact it’s a friend’s dog that you were looking after her and you didn’t want to be found out when you asked me to coffee and there was no dog. And we both started laughing and of course, I had to say yes, because who wouldn’t say yes to someone as adorable as you. Then you introduced yourself and ask me for my name and I saw the perfect opportunity to escape my life for just one cup of coffee so I became James.

Obviously, it didn’t work out like that, that coffee turns into dinner and going back to your flat where you had the fun idea of the 36 questions and we talked until 4 in the morning. Too late to backpedal too good to not keep going. It was my life but a better version of it, a life where I didn’t have the baggage of my past mistakes holding me back. You see Phil, this is my life, I’m a better person because I met you. You gave me a reason to leave all the baggage behind, you allowed me to forget it all and you have no idea how grateful I am for the chance you gave me. I fell in love with you completely as myself, not worrying about the issues I had before because I was able to leave them behind. And I know that sounds like I was using you, to create a better me, but what I mean is my life is better just because you are in it and I wanted to be better because of that, to be someone you deserved.

Then it all fell away when my parents tracked me down, with those men in suits at the door asking you about Daniel James Howell and I knew instantly that was the end of my perfect life, the one with you.

It’s funny, that thing they tell you about your life flashing before your eyes as you are about to die, that didn’t happen the first time, maybe it was because I didn’t care about that life I had lived, but that day, every lie I ever told you played in front of my eyes. My world, our world was falling apart around us, so I did the only thing I knew how to do. I denied everything, I denied who I was and lied to you one last time. I wanted to keep my life, but the better version. James, your husband, the better version of me, I wanted to stay the person I was with you.

_Dan looks down at his feet, he doesn’t want to look Phil in the eye for fear of what he might see._

Dan: Phil… I… I’m so-

_At that moment Phil grabs Dan’s face with two hands and kisses him like he only has one chance. Relieved Dan relaxes and kisses him back._

_They pull apart and start laughing at the situation._

_RECORDING ENDED_


End file.
